being present

My thanksgiving break was good. I was refreshed by spending time with people that I love. I had time to reflect and be thankful for the ways that I have seen God work in this crazy, rollar coaster year.
Which made my return to LA this morning all the more of a challege. My roomates and I joked that if we could just move into an apartment just the 6 of us...and skip classes and do our internships all the time, then maybe we could get more excited to finish out the semester. The motivation...the drive...the passion has kind of been drained out of it.
I refuse to let something like conflict with our host family or dissatisfaction with my classes keep me from being present to enjoy the things that I do love about this city. I don't want to miss anything that God has to teach me in the last 3 weeks. I don't want to not give my everything to the people that I care about here.
I have spent some time in prayer today trying to fight through it...and it is going to take more of that. My heart feels...disinterested. I pray that I can let what has passed, pass. And look forward to the future with anticipation and optimism rather than hesitation and cynism.
This whole doing things you don't want to do....being in situations that you don't want to be in...it is part of growing up. And facing them is part of maturity. Sitting here thinking about how much i am dreading some specific things about this next little bit of my life is not going to do anything, except cause me to focus on it too much.
Instead, I want to focus on the things that I am looking forward to. I am looking forward to seeing Javier tonight. I can't wait to see the girls on wednesday at Kathy's after missing a week. Laughing. Christmas preparations. Loving. Belonging. These are things that are worth being present for.

love your neighbor.

In class on Friday we talked for a long time about the Good Samaritian and what it means to really love your neighbor. By responding to the question of "Who is my neighbor?" with this parable, it is clear that Jesus intends to change our paradigm about what it means to love others....to broaden our circle of understanding...but my class was really struggling with the practicality of this broad definition. If, technically anyone who is in need is our neighbor, and especially those who are different and maybe even enemies, how does one really show this love?
For example, we were talking about the large amount of homeless people we pass every day. Practically, we can't stop and help every single one them. So, how do we practice a "dangerous unselfishness," in the words of Martin Luther King, Jr.? We discussed it for awhile...and I came to the conclusion that the answer really can be found in....discernment. Which is the heart of what my internship this semester has been about: being in tune with the Holy Spirit, so that you can be actively inlovlved in what God is doing. Somehow, I feel like we as a class have lost that essential understanding of God's power, and the way that he speaks to us. There are a couple of times where i felt compelled, beyond what is rational or reasonable, and definitely natural, to go out of my way for someone.
One place that I think our class got a little sidetracked in our discussion was that our conversation centered mainly around homeless people....probably because those are the people that we literally pass by every day, just as the levite and the pharisee. But I feel like that concept of who my neighbor is is somewhat limiting...and I don't even want to expand on who exactly it could be also because I just want to be open to hearing that still, small voice say "This is where I am working. Join me."

CLUE

My expirience at the CLUE conference left me feeling hopeful, rejuvinated, and with much to think through.
The most important thing I was able to see was the way that people of faith can be involved in the Labor Movement. Before this conference, it seemed like a theoretical good idea; now it is an idea that i hold closely. It became clear that though there may not be agreement on what should be done in response to the living wage crisis, it is indeed something that needs attention. 28% of families have a full time worker in the home, yet are failing to meet the basic necessities of life. The hotel industry ahs the highest percentage of single mothers than any other industry. CLUE seeks to partner with unions to demand justice for the workers that are working hard and honestly and still not making it.
There are some people (many whom I love and respect) who would argue that chruches shouldn't partner with unions. Unions have been known to do some "shady" things to get their demands met. But just as with chruches, there are good unions and bad unions. There was an emphasis on what value those of faith has because they can use their moral authority to hold unions accountable in their actions, and in the same way, unions offer a place for those of faith to act in a way they say they believe, by supporting justice. Alexia said "When faith and labor are honestly working together, they help the other be who they are meant to be."
I also see an increase in wages as the way to address the issue of the working poor, because it is in getting paid more that people are helped with dignity...they are earning their livelihood, not recieving a hand out. Of course, secondary to the issue of wages is the problem of a lack of affordable housing and healthcare. But it seems to make sense that in companies where the CEOs are getting billions of dollars, with great benefits and vacations, a little more regard can be shown for the employees that do the "dirty work."
My paradigm was shifted a bit after this conference in my attitude for the reason for this fight: one of the speakers said that the reason we do this is because we realize that every day we are the recipients of countless acts of service that greatly enrich our lives, and to say that people are doing an "unskilled job" greatly minimizes the hard work they do. All jobs require some degree of concentration and learning of procedures, etc. This should be able to be a livelihood.

Looking around the world, it would be impossible to deny that there is economic need. But what does it really look like to help meed these needs? Sure, you might give someone a bag of groceries, but what about the next time they are hungry?
I think that is why I appreciated so much what is being done at InnerChange with regards to the watches. Beyond a handout, it seeks to empower people by teaching them a practical skill. It brings satisfaction because it is an acomplishment. Even if someone isn't wishing to get involved with selling watches for their whole life, learning business skills are valuable in and of themselves. I was also thinking about that as I was doing work for CLUE...the entire purpose of the organiztion is to network people and connect them to bring about economic justice. Rather than saying that Christians need to give money to the poor, it is saying that Christians can be involved in actually lifting people above the poverty line.
I got to hear a little bit of La Mikia's story this past week. While I was always excited about what clue was doing before, it takes on a whole other meaning when someone that I care about is so personally connected to the security guard campaign.
Beyond these personal expiriences, learning about the lives of Martin Luther King, Jr. and Gandhi have also really shaped the way that I think about this kind of injustice. Gandhi talks about how each person has a right to be able to earn a living through what they make in work, and beyond that, work, even manual labor, holds dignity in and of itself. This makes it wrong that those who work so hard are unable to support themselves.
So, Christianity is very much about bringing the Kingdom of God. And sometimes, that is in very practical ways. I think the prevelant attitude of Christians are changing towards really caring about those in physical need in this world, but is is possible that the pendulum can swing too far in the other direction, and that caring for people's spiritual needs will begin to be neglected? What does it mean to proclaim the Kingdom of God with my words? I feel like I am coming to an understanding of how this is done with my actions, but the words....

To be totally honest, this week was a tough one. Namely, Thrusday was pretty rough. We spent the entire morning learning about housing and homelessness...filled the board with issues that contribute to the problem, with very few answers. Then we spent the afternoon on skid row. It isn't like I have never been exposed to homelessness before...but for some reason, it all just hit me really hard. It all kind of came to a climax as I interacted with a man named Larry.

I saw him from across the intersection, slumping down against the sidewalk. He was obviously unable to stand, but I couldn't quite tell from the distance the exact reason. I just couldn't feel good about walking away from him. What if he was having a heart attack? I mean, not likely, but still, I had to make sure he was ok.
My classmates and I went over to him. I asked him if he was in pain. He nodded no. I asked him if he was ok. (which as the words came out of my mouth, i realized what a complex question it was.) I asked if there was anything I could do for him. He said that he needed a bus ticket to Hollywood for an appointment. At this point, it became very apparent that he was heavily under the influence of something. But I figured...I could get him a bus pass. So i gave him 3 dollars. It was only after this that I realized that he couldn't really walk on his own. He stuck his hand out to me, and asked "Will you walk with me?"

He was asking me for help up, but it felt like there was more to the question. Walking with someone in their suffering. What a beautiful picture. Walking with someone requires that you actually engage with their pain. That you share in their burden.

While this interaction with Larry proved to be rather frustrating, because it became ovbious that putting him on a bus when I wasn't even sure that it would have taken him where he needed to go and I am not sure that he had the capacity to deal with public transportation...I still can't shake that question: Will you walk with me?

In the midst of being intensely overwhelmed by the size of the suffering in the world...I came to conclude that while I can't carry a load that heavy, I believe in a God who is big enough. And maybe my place is just to walk with people.


It is worth the journey.

Vulnerability

"My strength is made perfect in weakness." The kingdom of God is very much about reversals. The first shall be last. You must become like a child. Blessed are those who morn because they will be comforted. While I have yet to completely grasp how to apply these in my own life to the fullest extent possible, the hardest concept for me to understand (at least on a heart level) is the idea of how God uses the weak. And how I, as someone who desires to be used by him, am to do that. An important componant of this is that of vulnerability...being willing to let others see the areas where I am weak. I guess part of this is because I tend to see weakness as, well...a weakness.
My time in LA has allowed me to be on the recieving end of other people's vulnerability. I can not really put into the words the sense of vulnerability I sensed as a cared for people's feet at the homeless clinic. To allow someone else to see....let alone touch, a part of the body that is certainly not regarded as lovely or beautiful felt like a profound privilege.
I see vulnerability with which Rosemary and Adriana give love. In the mere 2 weeks that I have had contact with them, I can see a the first beautiful beginnings of trust forming. They know that I only have a couple of months to spend with them...but they have very much welcomed me into their lives. Once again, I see beauty in this transfer of trust.
I appreciate how Kathy and Lamika have accepted me into their lives...every time I ask Kathy how she is doing, I can tell that she answers me in a very genuine way. Even with something as simple as that, I can learn to do the same.
I would not say that I am a closed off, hard hearted person...it is more...an issue of being sensetive to the spirit of God. And making sure I am not allowing personal pride to be a barrier. I can not be so used to the role of being a supporter that I don't know how to be supported.
Because there is something amazing about allowing God to be the One working, rather than my own competency. This is one kingdom concept I am sure that I will be sorting through the implications of for awhile.

Another day in Paradise

Los Angeles is a strange place to call paradise. Certainly, it is a place of paradoxes. For some reason, this Copeland song has been running through my head throughout this journey. I hope that I will have the eyes to see these places where God is working. I hope that even beyond that, I will have the courage and wisdom to do more that whistle as a cross the street.

She calls out to the man on the street, "Sir, can you help me?
It's cold and I've nowhere to sleep. Is there somewhere you can tell me?"
He walks on, doesn't look back, he pretends he can't hear her.
He starts to whistle as he crosses the street, seems embarassed to be there.

Oh, think twice, it's just another day for you and me in paradise.
Oh, think twice, it's just another day for you, you and me in paradise.

She calls out to the man on the street, he can tell she's been crying.
She's got blisters on the soles of her feet, she can't walk, but she's trying. (trying)

Oh, think twice, it's just another day for you and me in paradise.
Oh, (oh) think twice, (oh) it's just another day for you, you and me in paradise.

Oh Lord, is there nothing more anyone can do?
Oh oh Lord, there must be something you can say..

You can tell from the lines on her face, you can see that she's been there.
Probably been moved on from everyplace, cause she didn't fit in there.

Oh, think twice, it's just another day for you and me in paradise.
Oh, (oh) think twice, (oh) it's just another day for you, you and me in paradise.
Just think about it, ohh.....

It's just another day for you and me in paradise
It's just another day for you and me ohh....